There's a reason why I shut my brain off during work.

------------------------

*ring*

"Good afternoon ********* Media, Matt speaking, how can I help you?"
"Hey Matt, it's dad. How's everything going?"
"Oh. Hey dad. Everything's going ok. What's up?"
"Not much here, son. Everything is going great. I just figured I'd give you a call."
"..... ok......"
"I know I may be a little late for this, but I just thought we should talk about something I know we haven't spoken about before."
"..........."
"I know it's a bit of a touchy subject, but we're both men and I know you're mature enough to handle talking about the birds and the bees and-"
"Woah.... woah, dad. I'm 24 years old. I think I pretty much have this figured out."
"Now son, I'm your father, and this is a very important conversation."
"Hey, is mom there?"
"No, why?"
"Oh, I was hoping to talk to her about..... you know....... your drinking problem."
"Sorry son. She's not around, but I'll let her know. But anyways, back to what we were talking about."
"Oh God....."
"Now son, as you may have guessed, you and I are men...."
"Dad-"
"....And as men, I'm sure you might have noticed that....."
"Dad!"
".....We have something called a 'penis'"
"I KNOW I HAVE A PENIS!!"
"There's no reason to yell, son. I can hear you just fine."
"Dad!! I'm at work! I know I have a penis, and I also know the women here have vaginas. Some even smell a little worse than others, so could you PLEASE-"
"Oh yeah, vaginas are very interesting son. I'm sure you'll figure all that out in a few years, but vaginas are pretty nice to know about as well. First thing about vaginas-"
"NO DAD!! NO VAGINAS!! DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE ABOUT PENISES AND VAGINAS!! I'VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT, SO PLEASE STOP WITH THIS SHIT!!"
"Oh....."
"Look, dad-"
"No, it's ok son. I understand. You're a busy man, so I probably shouldn't keep you."
"Dad, we can talk later, ok? I've just got a lot going on. I'd love to hear what vaginas are for when I visit you guys for dinner on Sunday."
"Well, that's great son! I'm glad you're taking such an interest in this. Keep in touch, alrighty?"
"Yeah, sure thing."
"Son?"
"What, dad?"
"I love you."
"Love you too dad."

*click*

*knock knock*

"Matt?"
"OOOOG!! Hey! What's up, Stacy?"
"About that phone call....."
"Oh! Uh..... yeah, that was my dad. No need to worry about that."
"Did you say somebody's vagina here smelled bad?"
"What!? No! Well, I did, but not YOUR vagina.......... uhm..... and I DO know what they're for...... vaginas, that is......."
"Uh huh....."
"Ah fuck."
"Right."
"We still on for Friday?"
"Something came up."
"Thought so."