Where would you be without your dad? in a very old tampon, that’s where. So you owe him. He let you spit-up food onto his shoulder when you were a baby and again this year after Cinco de Mayo. Here are some Father’s Day suggestions to let him know you at least vaguely remember his love and care.

Bottle-Opening Ring

Help a recently divorced dad hide that ring tan with something he can really use!

Alpine Swiss Men's Leather Wallet

Problem: Dad’s shitty old wallet is throwing off his spine alignment. Solution: Get him a nice new wallet to throw off his spine alignment.

Dads Are the Original Hipsters

How about a book to remind him that everything we hate about our generation, we stole from his generation.

Ties

Ties. The only gift you can give that so accurately represents the noose that is fatherhood. But its a noose with style! Consider hot peppers for a hot poppa, a Jerry Garcia tie for the dad who talks in warbaling, aimless solos, or a tie shaped like a dick, if your dad is a real dick but you still want him to have something to open on Sunday.

And don’t forget the matching shirt to go along with the tie!

This Sexy Golf Costume

All dads LOVE golfing. It’s the law. He loves it so much that he’s already got golf balls, golf clubs, golf clothes --He’s got EVERYTHING! So buy him a prostitute instead.

Fogless Shower Mirror

The bathroom is dad’s mini-vacation from the family. That’s why dads poop so much and are so clean-shaven all the time. Make his vacation a little more comfortable with this face-mowing aid.

Parents Magazine

How about a 2 year subscription to Parents magazine? It may be too late for you, but it’s never too late to remind him that it’s too late for you.

Dad Movies

Nobody portrays fatherhood more accurately than Hollywood. Pick a movie with a dad that reminds you of your dad! Does he have a secret? Mrs. Doubtfire is perfect! Is he’s absentee? pick Ghost Dad! Is your dad all work and no play? The Shining!

Pill Box

Sometimes the best gift for Dad is a gift for Mom!

World’s Greatest Dad Coffee Mug

NO PRESSURE.

This Father’s Day Card

Get your dad this nice card! Mom will think you got it for its heartwarming message, Dad will know you got it cause if you squint, it looks like a sideways vagina.

Check out gifts from last year's Fathers Day Gift Guide HERE!

Or you can check out tons of other cool gifts and stuff we've found Here.