As many of you who are devoted readers of my magnificent articles know, I'm a honorary jet pilot. Recently I got an opportunity to test out a super high tech new military jet with my co-pilot. It's a prototype and it's super secret.

Me and my co-pilot were flying and doing tricks at high speeds. We were wearing shades and drinking Sprite. At some point I got a text from Bruce Willis and the co-pilot took care of the course while we exchanged messages with Bruce. Suddenly there were 7 jets around us. Air pirates trying to hijack the prototype. We received instructions from the tower that it's a great opportunity to test out the auto defense system. After I pushed the button, lasers shot out at the jets and they blew up. That wasn't much fun.

On the way back we landed at Bruce Willis' private mansion since he invited us for dinner. We told him about the jet but kept it super secret, no details. The dinner was delicious - there was many dishes to choose from. My co-pilot ate the oysters and got diarrhea.