Clay County, Kansas City sheriff's deputy Jon Bazzano was in the middle of a traffic stop on Tuesday afternoon when he spotted a plume of black smoke. Heading that way to investigate, Deputy Bazzano found a van burning in the middle of a field, but had to retreat when he heard the sound of live ammunition going off. The deputy eventually found the owner of the van watching the vehicle fire from a distance, presumably muttering something under his breath about aliens.

Deputy Bazzano, who may have ruled out aliens as a cause due to aliens not driving vans a whole lot, learned that in fact the van’s owner had been burning garbage in a field (as one does) when the fire got out of control. The owner attempted to put the fire out by driving the van back and forth over it (as one does), when the tires caught fire. However, like most vans south of the Mason-Dixon line, or west of the Mississippi, or wherever Kansas City is - it was full of live ammunition, and a full tank of gas to boot. After realizing he had just made a redneck car bomb, the owner decided to evacuate to safety.

Luckily, the fire department was able to get control of the fire, and the owner did not make an insurance claim. “It seems like he’s just going to have to take a loss on that vehicle because I don’t think they’re going to cover it,”  Deputy Bazzano said, probably not while chewing on some straw. No word yet on whether Allstate offers alien insurance.

Follow Michael Cella at @mikevcella