Who was that baby I saw you with last night?
That was no baby, that was my senator!

What do a hot toddler and a fossilized kneecap have in common?
The both eat flying hairballs!

When is a toothbrush not a toothbrush?
When it's a flabby cornfield!

What do you call a garbage man who has married milkmen beside him?
A Communist!

Waiter, there's a cranberry near my polar ice cap!
Shhh! Everyone will want one!

Why do yaks have fingers?
So that Hare Krishnas will break them!

How do you get 100 horses into a drainpipe?
Throw in a teapot!

What do you get when you cross an escalator and a grandmother?
A thirsty spatula!

What do a lovesick armadillo and a grouchy tank have in common?
They both smash lazy lollipops!

Why do popes bathe automatic horses?
To satisfy their SubGeniuses!

What time is it when a kettledrum steals your senator?
Time to get a new senator!