Barbie Doll Catalog
xxfregiltxx
Published
03/21/2010
WHITE TRASH BARBIE: She's larger and meaner than them other prissy, stuck-up, think-thur-better'n-you Barbies! Now every girl can live the fantasy of ignorance and poverty with her special trailer-park friend. Every White Trash Barbie comes complete with: two packs of Marlboro Lights for Barbie's smoking pleasure, a six-pack of cheap beer to refresh Barbie during her busy day of bitching and watching TV, stylish, every occasion Spandex pants*, halter top and sandals (*Hot pants or blue jean cutoffs may be substituted on dolls shipped to Arkansas).
ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND KEN: With asskickn' leg action and pimpslap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses, mumbles when string is pulled.
MARRIED LIFE KEN: With Beer-bustin' expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says "Shut up woman," and "Git me a beer." (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).
AUSSIE BARBIE: This Barbie can run-down a 'roo, cook it for dinner, pick-up the kids, pull the leeches off the kids, change a tire on the Land Rover, wrestle a croc', make her own clothes, repair the roof, toss-out all the poisonous snakes from the house, and all before Ken comes stumbling home drunk.
BI-BARBIE: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
MELROSE PLACE BARBIE: Comes with her own Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live together. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.
DR. BARBIE, MEDICINE WOMAN: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use on the Plains, and how to take care of one's nails while shoeing a horse.
AMERICA'S MOST WANTED BARBIE: She's on the run after 30 years of crimes against feminism!
OPRAH BARBIE: Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
MY SO-CALLED BARBIE: She faces the same troubling issues as teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods, pools, ponies and boyfriends.
ROSEANNE BARBIE: The dark side of the American Dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happens after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.
MURDER, BARBIE WROTE: Whenever this elder states woman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.
BIFOCALS BARBIE: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
HOT FLASH BARBIE: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
FACIAL HAIR BARBIE: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
COOK'S ARMS BARBIE: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
BUNION BARBIE: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.
NO-MORE-WRINKLES BARBIE: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
SOCCER MOM BARBIE: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
MIDLIFE CRISIS BARBIE: It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
SINGLE MOTHER BARBIE: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
RECOVERY BARBIE: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
SISTER MARY BARBIE: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.
ADMIN BARBIE: Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, co-ordinate a re-org and a move and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
RIPPED-OFF-IN-THE-DIVORCE-SETTLEMENT BARBIE: Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).
TWELVE-STEP BARBIE: Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." Comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
BIRKENSTOCK BARBIE: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.
BITE-THE-BULLET BARBIE: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability to perform surgery on her-self in the Outback.
BLUE COLLAR BARBIE: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
HOMEGURRRRRRL BARBIE: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, gurrrrrrl." Teaches girls not to take crap from men.
ROBOTIC BARBIE: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
DINNER ROLL BARBIE: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Dreyer's ice cream, three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat" and, of course, an appetite.
TRANSGENDER BARBIE: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND KEN: With asskickn' leg action and pimpslap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses, mumbles when string is pulled.
MARRIED LIFE KEN: With Beer-bustin' expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says "Shut up woman," and "Git me a beer." (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).
AUSSIE BARBIE: This Barbie can run-down a 'roo, cook it for dinner, pick-up the kids, pull the leeches off the kids, change a tire on the Land Rover, wrestle a croc', make her own clothes, repair the roof, toss-out all the poisonous snakes from the house, and all before Ken comes stumbling home drunk.
BI-BARBIE: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
MELROSE PLACE BARBIE: Comes with her own Barbie Dream Apartment, where Skipper and the rest of the gang live together. Other accessories include a bottle of vodka, silk sheets, and an arrest warrant.
DR. BARBIE, MEDICINE WOMAN: This helpful doll offers other homesteaders important tips like what conditioner to use on the Plains, and how to take care of one's nails while shoeing a horse.
AMERICA'S MOST WANTED BARBIE: She's on the run after 30 years of crimes against feminism!
OPRAH BARBIE: Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina barbie's struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie's clothes.
MY SO-CALLED BARBIE: She faces the same troubling issues as teens who don't have huge wardrobes, perfect bods, pools, ponies and boyfriends.
ROSEANNE BARBIE: The dark side of the American Dream is explored with this doll, which shows what happens after Barbie graduated from high school, married too young and ate too much.
MURDER, BARBIE WROTE: Whenever this elder states woman of the Barbie set (she's 27!) arrives in the playhouse, all the other dolls mysteriously disappear.
BIFOCALS BARBIE: Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
HOT FLASH BARBIE: Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
FACIAL HAIR BARBIE: As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
COOK'S ARMS BARBIE: Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.
BUNION BARBIE: Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.
NO-MORE-WRINKLES BARBIE: Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
SOCCER MOM BARBIE: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
MIDLIFE CRISIS BARBIE: It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
SINGLE MOTHER BARBIE: There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.
RECOVERY BARBIE: Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.
SISTER MARY BARBIE: This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.
ADMIN BARBIE: Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, co-ordinate a re-org and a move and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
RIPPED-OFF-IN-THE-DIVORCE-SETTLEMENT BARBIE: Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).
TWELVE-STEP BARBIE: Pull the string on her back and she says, "Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." Comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.
BIRKENSTOCK BARBIE: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.
BITE-THE-BULLET BARBIE: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood and the ability to perform surgery on her-self in the Outback.
BLUE COLLAR BARBIE: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
HOMEGURRRRRRL BARBIE: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, gurrrrrrl." Teaches girls not to take crap from men.
ROBOTIC BARBIE: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
DINNER ROLL BARBIE: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Dreyer's ice cream, three bags of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat" and, of course, an appetite.
TRANSGENDER BARBIE: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
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