There were these two guys having lunch one day when the first guy says to the second one, "You ever say one thing to someone when you meant to say something else?"

"How do you mean?" says the second one.

"Well last week I was at the airport in Philly and I wanted to come back here to Pittsburgh and the women at the counter had these enormous breasts so instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Tittsburgh."

"I know what you mean.", says the second guy. "Why just this morning I was having breakfast with my wife and I meant to ask her to pass the jelly but instead I said 'You're ruining my life you stupid bitch!'"