Taoism: Shit happens, go with the flow.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: Shit happening is the will of Allah.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Buddhism: When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
7th day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if you work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon, and it won't happen to us.
Unitarian: What is this shit?
Mormon: Shit happens again & again & again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Pentacostalism: Praise the shit!
Atheism: There is no shit!
New Age: Shit happens and it happens to smell good if you open your heart to it.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.