After years of gnawing on toothpicks and slurping the remains of your cherry popsicle out of the stick, there's a brand new way to enjoy the beaver-invented, human-perfected tradition of snacking on wood: Eating almonds. 

But whether or not you agree that — to quote the now-viral musing — "almonds is wood," one thing is certain: These posts will make you laugh your splinter-filled buck teeth off. 

To fortune cookies getting a little too accurate in predicting what your future holds to Rodney Dangerfield's take on what comes after Brat summer, here are the 45 funniest tweets of the day, Monday, September 9, 2024.