Spacious and romantic master bedroom.

Actually, she only appeared when we looked at the photos.

This dank, drafty, and dark apartment is perfect if you're thinking of pursuing a career in cripplingly depressed writer.

The real estate industry refers to this as "personality."

Oh, the sarcophagus? It comes with the house. By the way, you don't cook with a lot of garlic, do you?

The Johnsons took one last picture of their son before returning him to the wild and taking off in their RV.

The purchase of this house comes with some great views, but also a looming sense that the universe and all life are pointless.

It's extremely convenient, you have to give it that.

State of the art appliances and entertainment center.

The bathroom features extensive legroom and views. Sink not included.

There is completely a house here for sale. This is not at all a plot to lure unsuspecting visitors into our cult's chamber of horrors.

Lawnmower included. No dogs under 20 pounds.

Obviously, everyone who enters this house feels extremely comfortable in it.

Oh that? It's ventilation. Should any moaning or shriveled arms start coming out of it, just roll up a quilt and stuff it in.

State of the art surround-screen entertainment system. In Jesus' name.

They're not much to look at now, but you should see them in the fall.

The real estate agent assured potential buyers that the purple grass was a local attraction, and certainly had nothing to do with that chemical spill a few miles upriver. Not at all.

This house is great if you love gardening but hate the whole "outside" thing.

The point of pride in this house was the DIY bathroom. Spacious!

Okay, everyone, stay calm. It's probably more scared of us than we are of it.